I (will) do...

Okay, so I was watching the Block tonight (what a show, am I right?) and the show 'Married at First Sight' came on afterwards. For some reason I thought, sure, why not?

Just so you're aware, this is not a critique of the show or the concept... I'm sure plenty of other people have written those blog posts, but rather it reminded me of something I've been meaning to write about for a while.

I recently read an article that talked about how, as a woman, the moments that will be celebrated the most in my life will be my wedding day and the birth of my children. Sure, we celebrate our graduation, getting a job or a promotion, but when was the last time you attended a "I got my dream job" party that cost over $20k? 

Our ability to find and keep a man becomes a way we define our worth. 

It's been a long process for me over the last year, trying to come to grips with the idea that my worth isn't found in my relationships. That who I am as a person is no more or no less for having a boyfriend, or a husband or a child. That my life can be successful, meaningful, and just straight up full with just me. 

This isn't a mindset that we teach our girls well, if we're really honest. I've been the girl in tears, asking the universe why 'he' didn't want me and I've been the shoulder for others who believed that their singleness was the result of some deep flaw in themselves. I've been the girl who couldn't imagine a dream bigger than getting married, and I've been the shoulder to girls who have battled with their sense of self after a relationship has ended and left them alone.

In a previous post I mentioned, very briefly, a conversation I had with some family friends over Easter weekend last year. I was told in no uncertain terms that my dreams sucked and I needed to get better ones. I needed to want more for myself, and that wasn't about setting my bar higher and finding a 'better' man. It was about making my life self fulfilling. I have slowly tried to make that come true, to not rely on an ideal future or relationship to feed my happiness and contentment. I don't always get it right, and I'm still working on wiring my brain to believe I'm worth enough on my own, but I like to think that Taylor today would have some very stern/challenging words to say to Taylor of a year ago, and even more to Taylor from three or four years ago. 

So here I am, rambling on, basically wanting to give anyone reading this the same slap in the face. Want more for yourself and believe you're worth more. Get a better dream. Throw society's expectations back in its face and aim for more than a boyfriend or a husband. Write a book (:D), record an album, paint or sketch, discover something scientific or invent something techy (can you tell I did a BA?), go to space, change the world. 

Don't fall for a culture that has an audience for 'Married at First Sight' let alone willing contestants...

Peace.

(Disclaimer: Relationships are great, and this isn't meant to make anyone feel bad for being in one or for wanting one, just encourage you to want more for yourself than just that. =D)

The Kitchen Timer Method

I've just finished reading Lauren Graham's book "Talking As Fast As I can" and she had a wonderful chapter that was aptly timed for me. She talks about something called "the Kitchen timer method", which is a means of writing more regularly. I'm going to be giving it a go next year, as a way to help me get over a bit of my writers procrastination.

For any one out there who is writing and finding it a bit hard to keep motivated, give this a go!

I've been meaning to post this for a while now. It's a simple methodology that Don Roos came up with that helps him write. Timed appointment writing. I'm going to use it this week and see how it works for me. Here's the methodology he was kind enough to forward after a visit to my comedy workshop this year: 

"KITCHEN TIMER"

The principle of Kitchen Timer is that every writer deserves a definite and do-able way of being and feeling successful every day.

To do this, we learn to judge ourselves on behavior rather than content.  (We leave content to our unconscious; experience will teach us to trust that.)  We set up a goal for ourselves as writers which is easy, measurable, free of anxiety, and fail-proof, because everyone can sit, and an hour will always pass.

Here's how it works:

• Buy a kitchen timer, one that goes to 60 minutes.
• We decide on Monday how many hours of writing we will do Tuesday.  When in doubt or under pressure or self-attack, we choose fewer hours rather than more.  A good, strong beginning is one hour a day.
• The Kitchen Timer Hour:
• No phones.  No listening to the machine to see who it is.  We turn ringers off if possible.  It is our life; we are entitled to one hour without interruption, particularly from loved ones.  We ask for their support.  "I was on an hour" is something they learn to understand.  But they will not respect it unless we do first.
• No music with words, unless it's a language we don't understand.
• No internet, absolutely.
• No reading.
•  No "desk re-design/landscaping", no pencil-sharpening.
•  Immediately upon beginning the hour, we open two documents:  our journal, and the project we are working on.  If we don't have a project we're actively working on, we just open our journal.
• An hour consists of TIME SPENT keeping our writing appointment.  We don't have to write at all, if we are happy to stare at the screen.  Nor do we have to write a single word on our current project; we may spend the entire hour writing in our journal.  Anything we write in our journal is fine; ideas for future projects, complaints about loved ones, even "I hate writing" typed four hundred times.
• When we wish or if we wish, we pop over to the current project document and write for as long as we like.  When we get tired or want a break, we pop back to the journal.
• The point is, when disgust or fatigue with the current project arises, we don't take a break by getting up from our desk.  We take a break by returning to the comforting arms of our journal, until that in turn bores us.  Then we are ready to write on our project again, and so on.  We use our boredom in this way.
•  IT IS ALWAYS OKAY TO WRITE EXCLUSIVELY IN OUR JOURNAL.  In practice it will rarely occur that we spend the full hour in our journal, but it's fine, good, and right that we do when we feel like it.  It is just as good a writing day as one spent entirely in our current project.
• It is infinitely better to write fewer hours every day, than many hours one day and none the next.  If we have a crowded weekend, we choose a half-hour as our time, put in that time, and go on with our day.  We are always trying to minimize our resistance, and beginning an hour on Monday after two days off is a challenge.
• When the hour is up, we stop, even if we're in the middle of a sentence.  If we have scheduled another hour, we give ourselves a break before beginning again --  to read, eat, go on errands.  We are not trying to create a cocoon we must stay in between hours; the "I'm sorry I can't see anyone or leave my house, I'm on a deadline" method.  Rather, inside the hour is the inviolate time.
•  If we fail to make our hours for the day, we have probably scheduled too many.  Four hours a day is an enormous amount of time spent in this manner, for example.  If on Wednesday we planned to write three hours and didn't make it, we subtract the time we didn't write from our schedule for the next day.  If we fail to make a one-hour commitment, we make a one-hour or a half-hour appointment for the next day.  WE REALIZE WE CANNOT MAKE UP HOURS, and that continuing to fail to meet our commitment will result in the extinguishing of our voice.
• When we have fulfilled our commitment, we make sure we credit ourselves for doing so.We have satisfied our obligation to ourselves, and the rest of the day is ours to do with as we wish.
• A word about content:  This may seem to be all about form, but the knowledge that we have satisfied our commitment to ourselves, the freedom from anxiety and resistance, and the stilling of that hectoring voice inside of us which used to yell at us that we weren't writing enough -- all this opens us up creatively. 

Good luck!

Summer Reading List

It has been a long while since I wrote a blog post that wasn't for my alter-ego Teacher-Taylor. Today has put me in the mood to write again, but I'm not quite ready to start working on Part Two of my novel, so I thought a blog post might be a nice way to warm up. 

This year has been an amazing journey for me on so many levels. Spiritually questioning and exploring. Personally discovering who I am and what I want from life. I've travelled to the UK, I've changed jobs, I've tried Tinder (didn't last long). I started writing a book and I rediscovered my love for words.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think I ever really lost it. Last year was the first time I hadn't been working at Time Out Books since I started in 2007 and it was like my brain decided to go on holiday. It said "Right Taylor, you don't HAVE to read now, so maybe dial it back a bit, go easy on the books." But this year, as I started my own novel and read more about how the best thing writers can do is read, I have fallen in love again. As John Green said, so beautifully, in the Fault in Our Stars:

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." - John Green

I'm still not a prolific reader. Some of my friends on Goodreads have read over 100 books this year, and I'm very proudly sitting at 18 (not including re-reads). However, I find myself reading more often and more passionately than ever before. I don't know if it has something to do with learning more about the craft of writing, and so appreciating and being more critical of writers, or whether I've had the right books or something else entirely. Whatever the cause, I am happily infatuated with my ink and paper friends once more. 

So I decided to write a little something about my summer reading list! I had a box arrive today in the mail containing three of the books on my list (The Grisha Trilogy), and I thought some people might be interested to know what I plan on reading whilst I relax and get sunburnt this holiday. So in no particular order...

1. A Darker Shade of Magic

Fantasy books are my guilty-and-yet-not-so-guilty pleasure. I heard about this one through the various authors I follow on Twitter and loved the premise (and the cover let's be honest.) 

I fell in love with something other than reading this year too, I fell in love with London. So the fact that this book is set in THREE London's (multiverse much), each with their own distinct systems, is a big selling point. Very excited to see how the author weaves these overlapping cities together and how the magic works in these worlds.

2. Strange the Dreamer

Sorry team, this book doesn't actually come out until March 2017, but because I'm a very important person *cough* I have got my hands on an advanced reading copy. I like to think it's because of my close personal friendship with the author Laini Taylor (she replied to my tweets guys), but it might also have something to do with the wonderful people at Time Out Books. 

Anyway. Laini Taylor is a goddess when it comes to writing fantasy. Her Daughter of Smoke and Bone series is in my top 5 all time favourite books. Her writing is clever, witty, beautiful, haunting and thrilling. I can't wait to sink my teeth into this one. (Also, that cover right? Not that I judge books on their covers, but this one is pretty stunning).

3. The Grisha Trilogy

I read Leigh Bardugo's duology (Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom) last month and was devastated when it ended. The world she created is so rich, full and diverse and I wanted to know and experience more of it. So when I realised that her earlier trilogy was set in the same world I knew I had to have it. The idea around the Grishas' power intrigued me and I'm looking forward to having this series be focused around it. The first in the series is 'Shadow and Bone' (pictured). Again, another fantasy... guess what kind of book I'm writing. 

4. A Country Road, A Tree

I've actually JUST started reading this one. It is the second book by Jo Baker who wrote Longbourn, the story of the servants in Pride and Prejudice. I bought this one because I loved her last book and also I love books about writers. This is about Samuel Beckett and is set in the second world war. I also read Chris Cleave's Everyone Brave is Forgiven this year, which was also set during the war, and loved that. If books were boys I'd definitely have a type. 

I enjoyed her writing style so I'm looking forward to this. Another book to try in this vein is The Paris Wife which is about Ernest Hemingway, or Z about F. Scott Fitzgerald. Technically they are about the wives of the writers. 

5. Talking as Fast as I Can

If you know anything about me at all you should know that I am a Gilmore Girl. With the revival now released and watched I was almost at a loss about how I was going to recover from the hangover of once again letting go and dealing with a final episode. Then I discovered that Lauren Graham (aka Lorelai) had written a book. This was another Twitter discovery (if you gave up on Twitter five years ago I don't blame you but it's a great medium for all things bookish). Very excited to read about her life and about the ins and outs of the filming process. I'm not a big non-fiction reader but this is one I'm really looking forward to. 

So those are my top 5 for summer (technically 7 due to a trilogy), followed by a few others if I blitz through, if anyone is still reading/interested. I won't do a write up about them just attach a photo.

Have a Merry Christmas and a sun-smart summer everyone! May your skies be blue and your books be long.

You are what you eat...

A few years ago I did a talk for a youth group with this same title: You are what you eat. It is a concept that I have had floating around in my head for quite a while, but it has taken time for it to settle down and for me to grasp what I think it means. 

Everyone has heard this quote before. You are what you eat. If you eat junk, fats, sugars this shows in and on your body. In order to be fit and healthy and strong you need to put the right fuel into your body. The quote is an adaptation of a quote from Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, who wrote:

"Dis-moi ce que tu manges, je te dirai ce que tu es." [Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are]." (1826)

 We live in a society that is obsessed with this idea. Healthy has become cool, fashionable. In the staff-room at work we sit around with our salads, our gluten/carb/sugar free meals, discussing our workouts or our need to work out more. In the last few years this health trend seems to have really taken off. Now don't get me wrong, I am not against healthy eating! I'm definitely on the bandwagon, I run at the gym, I make my salads before school, and I'm happy that our culture seems to be taking some much needed steps in the right direction when it comes to our physical health. I think there can be a danger to such a mindset when it goes to the extreme, but such is the way will all extremity. Balance is key. 

No, healthy eating and exercise isn't actually what I spoke about at the youth group, and it's not the thought that has been making its home inside my head. If anything this trend in healthy eating, and being aware of what we put in our bodies, has drawn more of a stark contrast to the point I'm getting at. 

We are so concerned about what we put into our bodies because of what it could make us become, but we don't seem to pay our minds that same respect...

I have started to explore songwriting again, and I realised that somewhere along the line I’d lost my poetry. Pulling up some of my old lyrics and poems truly surprised me; I used to be able to spin words together to create a picture, I used to be able to find metaphors and imagery like... a something finds... a something else... I used to be able to SHOW through my words, not tell. But somewhere along the way those things got lost. I think they got lost in all the junk I was putting into my head. 

You are what you eat. Your mind becomes what it consumes, and we live in a society where consumption rules. 

We have endless resources at our finger tips. Spotify alone houses thousands of songs, there for us with only a few clicks of a mouse. We can read and access thousands of books on our devices. We can stream or download thousands of TV shows and movies from the comfort of our beds. We can communicate with people on the other side of the world, or the people right next to us, on our phones or computers at any stage of any day. We put our own lives up for consumption on social media sites, with little or no consideration of our audience, just with our need to share and be seen.

We've heard this list before, of course. Blah, blah, blah modern age, blah, blah, this generation. There are MANY good sides to the new technology we have access to, and many trials too. My thought on the matter is a personal observation.

Consumption isn't difficult anymore, and we don't spend much time thinking about what we are consuming and the effect it is going to have on us in an intellectual capacity. My ability to create original, poetic writing has been compromised by the mass of trashy Young Adult novels, Taylor Swift-esk songs and social media I have consumed over the last few years. Such things provided instant gratification with little or no effort on my part to consume. My mind has become what I ate. It is withering from all of the fats and sugars I have been feeding it. They taste great, but they don't nurture and fuel me towards strength and health of mind. Just like our physical diet, our mental diet needs balance. I'm not saying delete all Taylor Swift from your iTunes, throw away all your non-intellectual books and destroy the internet. But, just like our food, we need to ensure that those things are treats, not what fuels us in our day-to-day living.
I'm going on a detox for the next 6 months. I am going to be very particular about what I read, listen to and how I use my social media, and see if it effects my creativity and my mind. I have the feeling it will.

So my challenge to myself, and my challenge to you is this: What does your mind eat, and, because of this, what is it becoming? 

Freedom Song

Here it is, my newest song! All about the freedom of seeing and letting go. I hope you enjoy it =)